The White Robe

Anne didn’t feel particularly good about going to church this Sunday.

She longed to worship, but felt so guilty.

She felt like she was doomed to follow in her parent’s footsteps of alcoholism and like her mother, marrying into abuse. She needed a fresh brush of the Savior, but felt so fearful and unworthy. 

She blew it and nearly had a fatal fall. 

She felt like she would never actually heal and be someone different, she’d always be a victim of a bad childhood and it would mark her future forever.

No good man is going to want a girl with such baggage. What on earth did she think she was doing working with Women At Risk, what could she possibly offer? She herself hadn’t fully recovered, she had no business being there. Maybe she should call tomorrow and cancel her meetings.

She dragged herself to church out of duty and sat quietly by herself today so she could focus. Anne felt a strong urge to listening closely to the Lord's prompting today. She prayed God would have mercy on her and have some encouragement for her today. Anne needed the power of transformation that she intellectually knew God provided.

She just had to have the faith to make the step toward obedience.

The pastor began to preach a message on who we are in Christ. He hit points about not listening to Satan’s attempts to de-value us. 

He used an analogy of exchanging our filthy rags of self-directed living and sinful lives for the white robe of righteousness that Jesus provided for us by dying on the cross for us.

The pastor taught that so many believers forget what they have in Jesus Christ’s freedom and grace. How we often forget that we are wearing the robe of righteousness and a crown of an heir of heaven all day every day and that we just have to choose to live as we are called.

Anne felt Jesus calling her. 

Calling her to lay down her controlling plans and self-centeredness for His life of living in forgiveness, grace and freedom from the bondage of sin.

She could almost hear the cell door creak open and feel the chains falling.

Dear Uncle,

I don’t know what to say.

I am sorry.

I lost Anne.

I sit terrified of the discipline ranks that are coming to find me. They are ruthless.

I will double my efforts on Mary and Lisa.

Sincerely,

Sepitus

Best Laid Plans

(This is Day 24 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Anne could not focus on studying.

Her roommates had gone for the day and she had one gloriously quiet afternoon to study by herself in her room…but to no avail. All she could think about was this guy from the party. Questions just swirled in her head.

Why had she had so much to drink?

Why did she get so familiar with him so quick?

Was he just like the other guys, only wanting her for one thing?

Did he have better qualities than that?

Why did she not find out if He was a believer? 

Of course he had questionable character…. he pushed me to drink and tried to sleep with me!

Why am I so naïve?

Did God intervene to keep me safe?

Why, oh why did I drink last night?

Am I ever going to break free from this temptation to disconnect from stress by drinking?

Anne knew what she had learned from God’s word, it was just hard to choose it sometimes over what was in front of her at the moment. Anne’s intentions were to follow hard after Jesus, serve others and be a light. Somehow she found herself tripped up and face planting in the mud instead.

This was not her plan. 

She couldn’t shake the feeling that it seemed inevitable…it’s who she really was.

Dear Uncle Savant,

We are almost there!

She’s beginning to spiral downward. Her self-talk is destructive and convincing. Anne believes that if this is what she thinks about herself, what must others think about her?

I have also tweaked her thinking a little for her to believe that it’s “her” plan for her life, and not actually some supernatural, divine plan from our Enemy.

What this has done is made her responsible for the outcome.

She truly believes that if she doesn’t realize the plan she has made for her life that she’s failed and it must be because it’s the plan she had is not who she is destined to be. She was made how she was made and her predispositions are locked into her fundamental personality…unchangeable, not redeemable.

Anne will believe that somehow she’ll have to find a way to function with her broken upbringing, past, and self-actualized fears of becoming like her parents. All of this stress will dominate her thought life.

Instead of stress it will just seem to her like she’s pulling up her bootstraps and dealing, making plans, setting up a path, and trying hard to make the future she’s dreamed of.

This stress and unachievable plan will bury her. It will consume her. All of her decisions will be based in control of her life’s plan. It’ll be so much that she will seek opportunities to relax and disconnect from the stress.

Our world has perfected apathetic disconnecting. With creating the illusion of fun and stress relief we’ve developed a lovely vice that turns into addiction quickly. 

They simply “have to have” their stress relief.

Thank you for your direction with Anne, things are working perfectly!

Your apprentice,

Sepitus

Nothing good happens after midnight

(This is Day 23 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Anne’s friends invite her to a party on the weekend. It’s on a Sunday night, so she’s not super excited because she had an early class Monday morning.

They push hard and badger her to hang out with them, so she caves but plans to leave early. When she walks in, the music is loud and the smell of beer is very strong. She’s learned not to drink the punch and get a can of Coke straight from the fridge herself. 

But tonight the good looking boy from the coffee shop is there, and he walks up with a can of beer for her.

In her dreamy-eyed fuzzy brain, she accepts the beer, it’s just one- no big deal. They have a great time talking, even though she could only catch some of what he said over the booming tunes.

Toward the end of the night, she’s had more than one beer…and he makes a clear move to take things further. Suddenly she hears someone calling her name at the door, it’s her friends and they are getting ready to leave. 

She has a moment of clarity and realizes what she was about to do, abruptly stands up and goes to leave with her friends.

Dearest Uncle Savant,

Well, I did it! I laid the foundation for Anne’s fall!

She caved in to attend a party with her friends. She caved in to have a beer from the guy she likes. She caved in to having far more than one.

The only thing left is to finish to temptation off with this boy she likes. Once I get her to be with him, he will drop her and her self-worth will plummet. Then I will kindly remind her that this was why her parents drank- to escape the pain of this world. 

A little evening of soaking her wretchedness in alcohol, wallowing in hurt, disappointment and failure will catapult my assignment into the orbit of cycling in and out of the same sin for years.

She won’t be able to bring herself out of the self-loathing she will have for falling the same way her parents did. She might even begin to justify some of the very things they did to abuse her with how bad they must have felt to go that low. She will begin to identify, and choose to hang around people that “understand her”.

All of this whipped up whirlwind of inner focus leaves no room for the Enemy. He couldn’t possibly fit into such a mind filled with our world and our methods.

I will be working really hard this week to focus her energy on daydreaming about the guy she likes. Imagining what might have happened had her friends not interrupted. She longs for someone to love her, accept her wholly as she is and approve of her.

I absolutely love that she has no clue that our Enemy is all of those things for her.

Who knows why He dotes over His worthless creation like He does, but the facts unfortunately are that He does provide that to them, if they figure out how to shirk off our efforts.

I am glad I have Anne so firm in my clutches that I don’t have to worry about getting thrown off any time soon!

Your persistent nephew,

Sepitus

Come Back!

(This is Day 22 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

The new guy at work was totally overwhelming to Lisa.

He was so nice and attractive. She was trying very hard to keep pure thoughts but his attention to her made it difficult to not get the butterflies churning in her stomach.

He asked her to a business lunch, but they talked about very little business. He mainly focused on getting to know her and just intently listening, which unnerved Lisa considering he wasn’t used to her own husband paying much attention to her while she talked. It was so nice to connect with someone!

Lisa knew that there were red flags popping up all over the place, to steer clear and to remain professional. However, her cavernous need for love, affection and approval were pushing her reasoning out of the way. She knew what the bible said about how to behave as a redeemed believer, but she also knew that if she just flirted a little it wasn’t that bad…

...she could ask for forgiveness later.

Dear Uncle,

Once again, I stand amazed that your genius ideas on how to destroy marriages works like a charm.

How is it you know what these women and men will fall for? I think you mentioned one time that it’s something that has been around since centuries passed, but this temptation of the opposite sex just seems to be an especially potent one. You would think they'd recognize the pattern and avoid it!

My inventory of successes with Lisa up to now are: perfectionist, controlling, prideful, liar, complaining, judging, worthlessness, depression, self-focused, sabotaging self-talk, unresolved anger, and now lust, faithlessness, and adultery.

I’d say I’m feeling pretty good about my progress with her. As long as she wallows in all of this sin, I can’t lose.

The only real threat is if she wakes up one day and realizes how wretched she has become and falls on her face before our Enemy, asking for forgiveness…. Generally, at that point, all hope is lost.

I cannot figure out why our Enemy cares for this insipid lot so much, they are so weak and ridiculous in their simple little lives.

First of all, they have no idea the power that lies at their fingertips, and second of all, they have such pride built up and they focus so hard on all their accomplishments in this world as if this is it. Completely NO grasp of eternity and what matters.

I understand from your last report that we have quite a nice collection of souls for our side, which must mean we are pretty successful in this world at pulling them away from the Enemy’s clutches. I don’t want to seem arrogant, but the Hosts of Heaven have nothing on our power it seems. 

The only time I have noticed that we are powerless is if the Enemy Himself gets involved…then we are doomed.

Any thoughts on how we keep Him away from our assignments? 

I’d love to know your insight.

Your faithful apprentice,
Sepitus

The grass on the other side

(This is Day 21 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Mary looked forward to talking to her old friend on social media every day. They had set up a time so they wouldn’t miss each other, since both had busy schedules.

Today their conversation began with the usual how are yous and what did you do todays. 

The next bit was very different from the usual though. 

He actually wanted to talk about what was lacking in his marriage and the focus was on his intimacy with his wife. He felt so unappreciated and unwanted. His wife constantly was too tired, not feeling well or flat out just said no. She had no idea how hurtful the rejection was over and over. She had no idea that he felt so unloved. For her it was just one more thing to do, for him is was love.

She had no problem expecting him to fill her needs each day, but brushed his off week after week. Mary listened with sadness for him, but it actually excited her that he would share such private things with her. Mary wondered how best to answer him back. She wanted him to feel better, so she complimented him, telling him how handsome she thought he was and what a capable, amazing father he was. Mary even threw in the comment about “she doesn’t know how good she’s got it”.

He responded in gratitude and mentioned how he’d appreciate a woman like Mary. That maybe they should’ve pursued their relationship back in high school, maybe they’d both be happier now. When they signed off that night it felt like something major had changed. Mary actually contemplated what life might be like married to him instead.

She'd never actually divorce her husband...but if something ever happened..if she were a widow or something like that...

What exactly was broken in her marriage…Mary couldn’t put her finger on it, but it was clear that something wasn’t right and that she longed for something else.

Dear Uncle,

 I am so giddy with excitement!

My plan is working brilliantly with Mary! Her needs haven’t been met in her marriage for so long that she has justified receiving a sense of fulfillment from an outside person, one who barley knows her.

What’s amazing to me is that neither of them have any sense of warning or red flag that this immediate intimacy they feel with each other is unusual or wrong. It’s like their internal alarm systems are broke. They've justified it with those glorious lies we've developed about "love at first sight, soul mates and what the heart wants"

I guess that is what we aim for though, right? If they have enough sin in their lives that they are clouded and seeing through the blurred goggles of bondage to sin, they live life validating each step they take with the last. I am amazed at how small doses of guilt and shame keep them silent in their secrets and it manipulates their fear of being found out.

This of course perpetuates more secrets and lies.

I especially enjoy planting ideas of situations in which she would consider being with this new man permanently, like if her husband were to die. Such a diabolical thought process made into something light and laughable gets her thinking about it.

I have to make sure they are in deep before they are found out. I hope to encourage a self-righteousness indignant feeling once they are caught. Like they are angry for being caught and they deserve their wretched form of fake happiness they’ve found.

Thank you for your suggestion for Mary, you were absolutely right to suggest a temptation in the form of an inappropriate friend turning into an affair.

Very potent. Very powerful!

Your grateful apprentice,

Sepitus

The stress of self sufficiency

(This is day 20 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Anne was studying and had her earbuds in listening to worship music, but she constantly struggled to keep her thoughts focused.

It seemed like no matter what she did, some place or or someone would trigger a memory from her childhood abuse or bad feelings about her own shame. It seemed to haunt her. She tried to be vigilant with focusing on being free instead of being bound to the past.

She could tell it wasn’t just her own self she was battling. She knew who her enemy was, and she knew Satan would love to keep her in shame. It threatened her success as an adult, it threatened her self-worth, and threatened her resolve to help out at the women’s rescue.

Anne knew there must be some way out, there had to be. She thought she recalled a verse about God setting us free for freedom. Well, this didn’t feel like freedom, it felt like being attacked ALL the time. 

Anne wanted real victory and to be able to move on.

Before she knew it, her allotted study time was gone, she had accomplished nothing and now had to go wing a test she should’ve have been prepared for.

Dear Uncle,

I have been at work to gain back my position of power over Anne. She has been swirled in doubts and fears over her qualification to be of any help to anyone.

My goal is to get her to quit serving at the women’s rescue and I think the way to do that is to drown her in uselessness. She has to feel like she hasn’t overcome her own problems and therefore cannot possibly help others. It’d be like the blind leading the blind.

I have been successful in making her so busy that she seems to be slipping in her grades. My intentions are to focus her thoughts on how useless this last season of college courses is, that maybe she’d be better off quitting.

Her friends are putting up a good solid persuasion to get her to come to a party this weekend. I plan to capitalize on that. If I can get her to slip up in her testimony, make her choose something out of character for her, and then make her wallow in guilt and shame over that it will further solidify my quest to get her to quit the women’s rescue.

With having a failure so fresh on her mind, she won’t be able to overcome it.

Her church life has been very mediocre, thanks to all my distractions while she’s there. Her busyness has hindered her prayer time as well. Hoping that she feels completely disconnected from the Enemy, which gives me the opportunity to influence her to turn to other things for comfort.

I’d love to bury her in the very addiction she has such a fear of falling to. She hasn’t figured out that her ability to remain strong against it is to remain close to the Enemy. She still sees her parent’s choices as mistakes they made and that she could handle herself better.

All of this self-sufficiency will give a strong illusion of being able to control it. I cannot wait for her to make a fool of herself and pounce on her wretched feelings afterwards.

Your nephew,

Sepitus

Is it going to be o.k.?

(This is Day 19 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Lisa was sitting at her desk Tuesday morning, wondering what was going wrong in her family. 

Sunday was church day. The songs were annoying, the singers made mistakes, the seats were uncomfortable, the pastor preached too long and made us get out late, so we were late for the football game. Clearly no one was happy about being at church. 

Not good.

To make matters worse, the ladies Lisa saw at lunch a couple days before passed her in the hallway at church, she could’ve swore they gave her a condescending look. She was sure they talked about her indiscreet complaining in the restaurant.

Hey, she didn’t care, she just lifted her chin, and chose to justify her comments. She felt she deserved a chance to vent now and again after all. 

So Sunday was apparently supposed to be a day of rest. Not only is it not restful with all the catch up on the house they have to do, but the kids are whiny and demanding. Lisa knows it's because they don’t see mom and dad often enough, but it translated into a very annoying high pitched fit that didn’t encourage happy family time. Not to mention that they had picked up some irritating habits from after school care.

Things were beginning to feel out of control. 

Lisa needed peace. 

She needed to know it would be ok, and that she, was in fact, ok.

Dear Uncle,

What a heyday for discontentment! It is so easy to push buttons in areas of Lisa’s life that don’t actually have any problems, making her believe that ALL of it is bad. Once she has a small discontentment in one area, I can use that annoyance to expand into other areas.

Suddenly she is a nagging, complaining wife and nothing is ever good enough. Her husband will tire of that; he will not enjoy feeling like he can’t make her happy. 

He will feel like a failure and then think what is the purpose anymore. My pathway to marital destruction is coming along nicely!

I have to be careful to not let Lisa feel too much of a sting that something is wrong because then she will seek a solution. The last thing I want is her running to our Enemy for comfort and direction!

Instead, I must keep her too busy, focused on all the peripheral things around her to mask the root of the issue in her heart. I can make Lisa believe that her husband, kids and the world are her enemy instead of us actually being the real enemy and affecting this wretchedness in her life.

A silver lining to her will be a new employee that gets hired this week. He is joining her division at the office and is being hired to a position over Lisa. He is good looking, single, caring, exciting, and best of all- not distracted by a family.

Lisa has been feeling quite low about her physical appearance lately, and this guy will compliment her on the first day they meet. It’ll be so intoxicating to her. Feeling attractive to another man is going to encourage her to workout harder at the gym, eat more salads, and do herself up nicer each day.

More self-focus…my favorite!

It is fun to operate in the shadows, but once and while I get an itching feeling to actually fully reveal my awesome wickedness to my assignments. Maybe one day…

Yours Truly,

Sepitus