(This is Day 7 in a write 31 Days series. Click here for the title page )
Anne woke up in a funk.
The alarm startled her from sleep and it was not a good restful sleep either. She was dreaming about home life and what it used to be. Her past abuse and living with parents who had addictions sometimes overwhelmed her to the point of swallowing her whole.
It was always right on the surface, bubbling just under reality in her mind. Things triggered memories all the time. She had been through counseling and Christ had set her free from so much fear, anxiety and repressed anger over her past, but the memories wouldn’t leave her alone.
They threatened to choke her joy every day.
She needed to figure out how take captive every thought and practice it every day to get victory.
I am thoroughly enjoying being a pest to Anne! She has so many damaging things in her past that are ammunition for me to use! Reintroducing the memories each day in different ways keeps her a prisoner.
I can continually keep her in a state of reliving things she’d prefer to forget forever. It’s like an arcade and I get to choose between a myriad of experiences that sends Anne into a tailspin of emotion. It chokes out all of her sense of reality when I attack. She can only focus on the feelings of being sucked down a disgusting drain of memories of things that could’ve ruined her.
She forgets that she left that life. She feels it will always define her.
I try to insinuate that they still are ruining her, like they have an ongoing power over her. I remind her that she has way too much baggage for any man to want her, that she’s not actually going to be free from the past because her memories will never go away.
It's far to easy to suggest that permanent things, like locations and music will always be around and will forever hold that memory. Each time she walks around a store or sits down at a coffee shop and a song plays that triggers a memory, I make sure to transport her back in time in her mind to relive it in detail.
She will not break free from this one.
I am so frustrated that I cannot keep her from praying. I try to distract her or send memories to clog her thoughts, but she’s one of those incessant prayers that just does it all day long. I am going to employ doubt and fear and my hope is to get her to think that the Enemy isn’t answering her so what’s the use in praying.
I will attempt to bribing her with self-sufficiency so that it appears that she can control her own life. I'll even suggest ideas to her to try and change the memories, some self-controlled plan of action that has her totally relying on her will power...which we all know is weak... instead of seeking the aid of our Enemy.
I will let you know how this attempt goes, I may need your experienced guidance.
Your Young Apprentice