Costly Obedience

Some may say this last year I have had is truly peculiar and uncommon. If I were to give an unvarnished description, most would think me to be a little unhinged or a spiritual fanatic. What I’d like to do is describe what it is to have lived a life of costly obedience to God. To give a transparent accounting of the dissected anatomy of what it actually means to die to yourself and ruthlessly obey God, regardless of what is said.

I don’t come from a culture that abuses or puts to death Christians, but I do come from a culture that doesn’t typically see a follower of Christ loving Him with abandon, beyond all that is reasonable or able to be explained. That’s the very point. Unable to explain. It requires faith to understand.

When I felt the deep conviction of God calling me towards Australia, it wasn’t something I personally desired or wished to do. It was something I fought with God about for a while. He kept giving me sign after sign, proof after proof that He was indeed pushing me to obey Him. If you have never experienced this kind of burning conviction to obey God, you’ll have a hard time understanding the rest of this.

It was towards something, a life purpose to be later revealed. It has yet to be fully revealed but I have a clearer picture now.

When a person is faced with costly obedience, there’s a few things that seem to be common. These are my personal experiences and I know I have heard others say similar things.

I’m going to offer some descriptions and the scriptures that have accompanied my convictions.

• There is an actual death of self, personal life desires, personal life plans. You quite literally open your hands to God and say, “whatever You want”. Thy will, not my will. It is painful, but worth it. Once you get on the other side of selfish sorrow for your own plans, you can fully embrace the real purpose God intends. The hidden gem of fulfilled life calling and purpose is found within rigorous surrender. 

⭐Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

⭐Luke 9:23 and he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

⭐Matt 10:38 And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.

⭐Colossians 3:3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

• There is fear and anxiety when weighing safe self-plans for life vs. accepting the unknown God plans. You can live a lifetime paralyzed inside of the what ifs. It’s the enemy’s best plan at keeping you useless and side-lined, to hold you in fear of the unknown. The reality is, God is either the only real Creator and has the only real eternal plan for humanity, or He doesn’t. There isn’t any in between on this one. It requires a response. You either believe Him or not. And if you do, what then? Do you see how this forces a response when God directs your path towards something you aren’t comfy with?

⭐Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.

⭐Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

⭐Psalm 37:23 The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way

• When I began to flex my faith muscle and walk towards obedience to this crazy direction, I began to count the costs of suffering. It is true that the provision of God has been ridiculous. Only God can make a way that is so full of gracious abundance. There’s nothing we could have forced or schemed that could have provided like He has. The flip side of this is a question I’ve been asked so many times I’ve lost count. “Don’t you miss you husband, your family? Isn’t it awfully hard to be apart?” This is where the cost of obedience hits, the actual suffering.  People don’t realize how frustrating and truly painful it is to be misunderstood. It sounds like a trite complaint, however, in this particular case being misunderstood has huge ramifications. I generally lead with the fact that my husband is the one who has commissioned and sent me. He was the one with conviction from God first. However, comforted I am by his support, it still doesn’t cover the cost of the absence. It pales in comparison to the expense. This is where the rubber meets the road, as they say. Do I still believe God called me? Is obeying Him truly worth it? Will He supply all my heart needs, both perceived needs and actual needs? Will I choose to believe God for the sufficient grace He promises?

⭐2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

⭐2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.

⭐Romans 5:3-5 More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

⭐Philippians 1:29 For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake

• One thing that has become as regular as breathing to me is learning consistency in intentionally remembering what God’s called me to do, and what He’s done to prepare me ahead of time. After believing Him for all of this, after seeing the countless miracles my life represents, how can I not recall to mind His unfathomable grace and goodness? Walking into obedience daily is a choice. I may be physically present in this country and college, but it is very easy to get slack and begin to choose my will again, if I am not intentional. It may begin to look rigid and harsh, but the reality is, I’m not out for others approval. I want God’s approval.

⭐John 15:16-17 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

⭐Hebrews 2:1 Therefore we must pay much closer attention to what we have heard, lest we drift away from it.

⭐Ephesians 2:10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them

⭐2 Timothy 2:11-14 The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; if we are faithless, he remains faithful— for he cannot deny himself. Remind them of these things and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.

• Considering how good God is, being able to celebrate the little victories along the path of obedience has been a balm and joy. The opportunity to come away with Him, so to speak, and have devoted time to grow myself in the Lord is priceless. I often will think- look where I’m standing! The fulfilment of God making me more and more into the person He wants me to be is a blessing I don’t really have words for. I used to be a person who had such little self-worth, spending so much time in self-loathing and self-destructive behavior, believing I’d never be able to be used by God because I had ruined my life. For God to prove me wrong so thoroughly has provided a deep sense of gratitude and curiosity for what all He has planned.

⭐Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

⭐Psalm 16:11 You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

• Once some patterns of behavior get established, then added to it is rigorously choosing surrender, confession, and repentance each day to stay in a blameless and upright walk. There’s not a lot of place for worldly things when you choose to be set apart. The thing is, God opens your mind to what is truly of worth and what is worthless. It’s very hard to choose mindless things once you know the truth, you can’t unsee it. As Romans 12:1 says below, our reasonable service to God is offer ourselves wholly devoted to Him. Reasonable because of what He’s done for you. He died, gave His life as a substitute for mine, when I deserved to bear my own punishment. The very little I can do to say a heartfelt thanks is give my life back to Him, a living sacrifice to obediently follow.

⭐Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service

⭐Psalm 19:12-13 Who can discern his errors? Declare me innocent from hidden faults. Keep back your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression.

⭐Psalm 143:10 Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!

• After living this lifestyle a while, I can now boldly choose to obey God's word regardless of surrounding oppression or negativity. My conviction to the Truth has grown a strong enough muscle that it no longer is a chore for me to choose God’s will over my own (or others). For me, there is not another option anymore. This is supernatural faith.

⭐Matthew 5:10-12 Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

⭐John 15:15-19 If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said to you: ‘A servant is not greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of my name because they do not know him who sent me.

• As a result of all this, I’ve noticed I am now able to share my story, as God leads me, without shame, heavy tears, and sorrow. My story is meant to help others, and this proves my healing and God’s divine purpose in rescuing me.  I’m able to share the victories without as much pain, and this is a monumental growth! The weight of shame and regrets that used to plague me served as a paralyzation, unable to be useful. For God to break through all of that and shine me up like a trophy to display of His tremendous power to restore is a miracle!

⭐Acts 20:24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

⭐Luke 7:47 Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven—for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

⭐Psalm 103:2-5 Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

⭐Isaiah 61:3-5 to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise, instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

• One final addition is to give attention to the fact that this costly obedience isn’t just here in Australia. My faithful, God-following husband who has remained home and keeps the home-life together has every bit of the costly obedience and faith steps I do. His daily walk just looks different than mine. We are called together and uniquely. This means if you are a stay-at-home mom, raising kids like I was for years, costly obedience and faith can look like being faithful to God in a faithless generation, raising your kids to be set apart and holy in a world pot-marked by evil. It comes in all shapes and sizes. What matters is the heart and motive. Are you obedient to what God has called you to do?

Well, there you have it! Those that have had the endurance to keep reading, or just have curiosity, hopefully now have a better understanding of what on earth I’m doing here and why I am returning for another year in 2023! 🎉🎉