The longing for worthiness

(This is Day 6 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Lisa's children brought home several signup sheets for volunteering at school. One for Holiday parties, one for fund raising helpers, one for PTO secretary, one for room parent and one for lunch help, which left her overwhelmed with pressure. Even before she read them and their needs she felt like a failure. She knew there was no way she’d be able to participate. Lisa would need to rely on her mom again, which was becoming embarrassing, as the kids at school thought that grandma was the mom. For once, she’d like to be able to tell her boss that she wasn’t able to come in because she was going to the apple orchard field trip with her kids that day.

Her husband doesn’t help much either with his comments of “you have better things to do with your time than play room mom to a room full of other people’s kids.”  Lisa just didn’t imagine life this way. She always figured she’d work a while then quit to be home with kids. Her husband wanted that too, once upon a time, but then they moved into the city and bought a beautiful townhouse that required two incomes. The man she married changed.

There was never time for a sit down dinner, most nights it’s takeout or frozen meals thrown in the oven. Discontentment and guilt hit her sharp that night as Lisa kissed her kid’s goodnight and they each asked if she was going to make it to the school concert coming up…. on the same night she had a presentation to make.

Dear Uncle Savant,

I hope you are happy with my progress with Lisa. She is full of self-doubts and gaping holes of insecurity.

I took to heart what you said regarding Mary and I have since changed my tactics with the other two as well. 

I am working hard to make Lisa feel like she’s failing at motherhood and urging her to throw herself harder into work because she feels success and satisfaction there. The less she’s at home, the less she will have to feel the pain of failing, the less parenting she will do, and ultimately damaging permanently the relationship with her children and husband. He will drive her to achieve but resent her for not being a better mom and wife. A  no-win situation.

Lisa has scheduled a phone call with her old college friend, Mary, tomorrow. It was truly brilliant of you, Uncle, to assign me these two women. I can work to divide them by their differences rather than unite them under their relationship with our Enemy.

She has yet to seek our Enemy in her distress over her life’s direction and so I will continue to distract her with work and activity. I will encourage her sense of self-pride over her accomplishments, nullifying the Enemy’s hand in any of it.

Without much delay, I will have solidified her self-worth in achievement, which will deal out a crushing blow to the concept of the Enemy’s foolish free gift of grace. She will never feel good enough. She will consistently feel like the more she does or the better she does, the more worthy of love, affection and adoration she will be. She will even begin to assume this is the way to earn her husband’s love. It will be cemented in her mind, then, that our Enemy could only forgive and love her if she performed.

Not long after that demanding grind she will feel helpless and hopeless because, as we both know, she will never be able to “achieve” the love and approval she desires. Men will always fail, as they do. Our Enemy doesn’t require his little creations to do anything but believe and surrender all the works, which is the opposite of the value I am working to place on achieving.

I will endeavor to destroy the self-worth and identity of the other two as well, just as you suggested. They will forget who they are, forget that they have that revolting crown and robe of righteousness our Enemy placed on them for all eternity. I will have them so distracted and tuned into our world that they cannot hear HIM speak a word to them.

Sincerely,

Sepitus 

Sword of the Spirit must stay sheathed...

(This is Day 5 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Mary’s husband came home announcing that he got promotion at work. This should make her happy and proud, but instead she only thinks of herself and how it means more time alone with kids. Maybe she can enjoy some perks like spending more on groceries…cause that’s so exciting… maybe she’ll get her nails done someday when the children are civil enough to be home alone together. Her sense of discontentedness grows, and she reminisces back to when there were no children and her life in marketing was so fun and free…

Hmm, …something new and freeing.

Dear Uncle Savant,

I had my work cut out for me with Mary today. She was awake early enough time to have a cup of coffee and read that blasted book of our Enemy. I tried my best to draw her attention and distract her with the piled up laundry, breakfast to make or even the noise of the garbage truck outside to no avail.

She kept pushing off my attempts to frustrate or cause dissatisfaction. 

She just kept praying… and you know how hard it is to influence an assignment who focus’ their brain on speaking with the Enemy.

I promise I will try harder to make sure that the Sword of the Spirit stays sheathed.

Her husband had announced that he received a promotion and I saw my golden opportunity to swing through with discouragement over his impending absence and her inevitable time alone. I also added in some reminiscing of her single life without kids and clouded her memory causing her to forget that she was lonely and longed for a family. Instead I heightened everything she could do without kids and elevated in her mind how important they were to her happiness.

I must go, she’s sitting those insipid children down to read “His” book again.

Sepitus

Dear Sepitus,

Words cannot express my anger over your stupid mistakes with Mary. 

You simply are not understanding   how to twist and reform her mind.

It’s not through external experiences and influences only, they are merely secondary to the innate values, thought processes and coping skills. Her foundational beliefs for dealing with life have to be attacked and shaken. It will cause her to be open to alternative thinking.

There are so many wonderfully twisted ideas and methods of coping that we have made commonplace in this world. Do not be so shallow with your attack on her. At some point, if it hasn’t already happened, she will pray and seek help from our Enemy to get her through the external trials you keep presenting her with.

Don’t you understand? They are smart enough to see that when a series of bad things keep happening that it might be an attack from us. You have to be more insidious than that, did you miss that day in training? She has to believe that it’s from her own head, that she’s becoming smarter, enlightened, tolerant of new things, better at understanding people and changing right alongside everyone else, staying current.

This is not a simple assignment with a non-convert. These three women actually know the Enemy, speak to Him and consider themselves “in His family” as He likes to say. Our job is to kill their joy, steal understanding of their identity, and destroy their ability to have a testimony.

Do better!

Uncle Savant

Entangling Webs

(This is day 4 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Anne rushed through the hallway to her last class of the day. Sometimes she wished she had done this one online so she could sit at home and relax a bit. It was cheaper too, but her friends had really advised she take the class with them so they could go out together afterwards. It seemed like there was never any time for social stuff anymore. 

She could hear her mom’s words barking in her ear “That’s real life honey, it’s not here to entertain you, get over the friend thing, nobody in our family ever got out of the projects by chilling with their friends.” Her strongest desire to finish up school was to leave home and never look back. Whatever she had to do to complete her degree, get it paid off and start a fresh new life away from her parents! As she walked into class, her friends reminded her that they planned to go to a new club that just opened. 

Inside she felt that familiar red flag goes up. Anne had no interest in drinking at partying, after growing up with parents that abused substances, it held no pleasure for her. Besides she was terrified that the statistics were true that addiction could be inherited.

Dearest Uncle Savant,

My assignment with Anne appears to have the makings of a huge success. I am not sure how my forerunner Garrus failed with her, she is riddled with baggage!

Anne’s mind and heart is like murky water with a monster of a fish hovering just below the water’s surface, but you can’t see how huge it is until it rears its ugly head. That’s her shame, guilt and self-loathing.

Considering her past abuse and then subsequent choices to go live in the pit of self-destruction, she keeps quite a composed, plastic, happy face on most days. So it will be incredibly easy to just poke at the waters to cause little ripples of disturbance through her carefully crafted façade.

Her classes are no longer making her happy and feeling hopeful of the future, they seem to be an obstacle that she has to overcome to get on with “real life”. I am hoping to stir that discontentedness with her classes and plant thoughts of just quitting. If I can get her to be a tiny bit prideful of all the work she’s put in so far, I can convince her that it’s enough to just be done. Quitting will give her an exhilarating feeling of taking control over her life, but what she won’t realize until it’s too late is that it will make her years of college practically useless without the finished degree. She can never put on a resume that she finished and graduated, future employers will view her as a quitter, unable to finish or follow through.

Her peer group is very different from Anne. She tries to conceal her true feelings of fear when they want to go out to party.  She just stuffs it down hard and participates so she doesn’t appear to be the freak she thinks she is. I need to increase my enticing of the disconnect she feels when she drinks. It gives her a moment to step away from the stress and just relax. Alcohol has always been a very powerful tool and I plan to employ its siren-calling capabilities as often as I can. Combined with her mother’s words echoing constantly in her head, she won’t be able to decipher between her fear to stay away from alcohol and her fear of being overwhelmed. It’ll just all pile on and become unbearable, then someone will present her with an opportunity to disconnect from it with a drink…and suddenly I have equated stress relief with “I just need a drink”.

As long as I cloud her judgement, she will not feel or hear our Enemy’s call to rely on Him instead of our world’s medicine.

I am eager to share with you my results later on.

Sincerely,

Sepitus

the never ending list...

(This is Day 3 in a write 31 days series, click here for the title page

Lisa checks the list on the counter one last time before slipping it into her bag to head out the door. She couldn’t figure out how her friends always seemed so frazzled and couldn’t get their act together. All it takes it a well-constructed list and follow through. A little planning goes a long way. The kids were moving slow today, she could not handle being late, not after landing that huge project yesterday. She had to show herself worthy, on top of it, and very capable if she wanted to continue getting this kind of quality work. She hollered at the kids to grab a poptart and get in the car!

Dear Uncle Savant,

Lisa has been given a new marketing project at work. She is both especially prideful about it and, deeper down inside, she’s terrified of failure. I am working to place people in her walk today that increase her pride in herself; co-workers and friends who seem to be having a hard time and appear to be lacking in their life organization skills. This drives her to have a short temper and think slightly higher of herself than she ought. She’s always on the brink of falling, but she doesn’t see it. Lisa just plows ahead in her quest to achieve and be the best that she has no idea what an easy target she is.

One little failure at work and I can start introducing self-loathing and feelings of inadequacy. As of this moment, she seems to have a mediocre outlook on parenting. A small tweak in one of those little imp’s lives; choosing the “wrong” friend group, cheating on tests, or stealing something from a friend’s locker will put Lisa in a tailspin of feelings.

If I can get her to constantly focus on feelings and not the facts around her, or what our Enemy has tried to show about who He made her to be I will be most successful.

It is with great glee I report that your idea to elevate the task of list making has taken control of her thought pattern. At the end of each day, I will suggest that anything not completed was a failure, that she wasn’t “good enough” that day. It will greatly frustrate her to add unfinished things to the list for tomorrow because then it becomes an impossible feat to cross each one off. The list will become a part of who she is and who she thinks she needs to be.

All of these feelings of frustration, inadequacy, anger, pride and haughtiness adds to her irritability at home with the kids and husband. Her ability to cope will be low and so they will get the brunt of her tired attempts to be present for them. Compounded with the kid’s mediocre efforts at school, her husband’s impatience with her, and my efforts to make her forget to seek our Enemy in times of despair….it will keep her in despair.

Your Young Apprentice,

Sepitus

knocked down...but not destroyed

(This is day 2 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )

Alarm clock buzzes at 5:45 am. Mary, bleary eyed, shuts it off and heaves a deep sigh… another day of the same. Too much to do too little time, kids demands, homeschooling, husband’s needs, kids have been sick, etc... She thinks to herself that it’d be nice to be able to spend a little quiet time with a cup of hot coffee and her devotional…but she can hear some noise coming from the kitchen. Someone must be up. So much for quiet time today…

Dear Uncle Savant,

I am working on Mary today, Anne and Jill seems to be spinning in their own self-centered thoughts, so I figured they weren’t much of a threat at the moment.

When Mary woke up today I made sure that I immediately met her with thoughts of being overwhelmed and defeated before she even put her feet on the ground. She used to wake up and tell our Enemy “thank you” for the new day, I now have her stressed and distracted enough that she completely forgets.

It was really too easy to blow up her day and cause her to fall apart even before dinner. The washer broke, so I encouraged the kids in their fighting to get louder and meaner so Mary’s frustration level was near boiling point. This presented the perfect time for me to insinuate that her life would be so much better if she had just put those kids in public school and went to work with responsible adults. 

When she called her husband to inform him of the washer, He, of course, was busy and snapped at her, telling her she knew how to call a repair man, condescendingly reminding her that he didn’t have time for that kind of stuff. Mary resents that fact that he doesn’t have to deal with the kids or house stuff. She also feels small and insignificant when he barks at her like that, like he could care less about their home together and how much effort she pours in. 

I help her nurse those feelings. I massage them into her mind, so they are ever at the forefront. We can’t have her finding her “joy” again.

Later that day, she tried to “pull herself up by her bootstraps”, as they say, and make another effort to be a good mom. She felt guilty for yelling at the kids when she was really just angry at the washer breaking and her husband. I made sure she boiled over so she took it out on them. If I can affect their futures through her, I will take every opportunity I can!

Her attempt to make a nice dinner and be cheerful was a disaster, I got such a good laugh watching! She picked out a recipe from that oh-so-helpful-site Pinterest. It typically makes her feel less-than and ill-equipped. However, today she pushed through and made a complicated dinner. I distracted her with a phone call from her mom and she forgot a step in the recipe…. 

So it was an utter failure. BONUS for me! She gave up and made macaroni and cheese, which of course thrilled her husband. He had specifically chose to come home for her “special dinner” instead of going out with the guys for a business dinner after work.

With spending so much time trying to corral her kids and teach, dealing with the washer and mess, and failing at dinner she didn’t have time to shower or straighten herself up at all. So when her husband came rolling in after work, she added to the day’s mess by not feeling very attractive and worried her husband might not be satisfied with her. After all, he works with well put together women all day.

The end of the day was truly perfect. In just one day, one 12-hour period, I caused her to feel discouraged, overwhelmed, frustrated, guilty, angry, like a failure, less-than, worried about her marriage, ugly, and incompetent.

Hope to have an even better report tomorrow Uncle!

Sincerely,

Sepitus

Valuable Information

(This is Day 1 in a write 31 days series. Click here for the title page )


Do you ever wonder how the attacks in your life are so pinpointed perfect to make you suffer to the max? Like someone is in your house watching you?

Well…. There is…

Inspired by C.S. Lewis’ book The Screwtape Letters, this series for the #write31days challenge is going to pull back the veil a bit so we can see what the devil attempts to do to bring down the Saints of Christ and make us think we are defeated.

Check back each day for a new installation in our story about 3 ladies, Mary, Lisa and Anne. Women who are from 3 different walks of life that end up intersecting and experience deceitful, heinously accurate attacks in their daily lives.

Let’s take a peek at a little introduction into their lives….

Dearest Young Sepitus,

I have been advised that you have acquired 3 new assignments. I am so proud of your success of ruining the testimony of the Chosen Ones and I am writing to let you know I have done some background research on Mary, Lisa, and Anne for you. I long for your success with these three, and I am not beyond cheating a bit to give you a leg up.

I want to remind you that they cannot know of your existence. You must keep your identity quiet, so they believe your deceptions are from their inner mind, from family and from influences around them. I know it’s difficult to not showcase your pride of success and claim your victories, but it’ll have to remain within our ranks only.

So to get on with the valuable information I have for you, let’s begin with Mary. As you know, she’s been married to that schmuck for 18 years- remind her daily of his shortcomings, highlight the tiniest things and elevate them to maximum annoying status. She has the 3 offspring you can use easily too of course! Don’t forget what a tool the kids can be, wearing her down and making her so tired and used up that she can’t even think about serving our Enemy. Remind her often that she’s not being fulfilled personally by staying at home with the brats. Use her friends to point out her shortcomings in motherhood and make their lives enviable to Mary. I cannot wait to see our plans of divorce and destruction come to fruition- Stay vigilant…she will fall.

Lisa is a totally different assignment. Your greatest success will be using her pride. She has this bubbling under the radar version of self-aggrandizement but she hides it the best she can…. allow it to slip out more often. Her husband, as you know, is not really connected to her, their communication has been broken lately, that valley needs to be exposed! It’s a gift when they get mad at each other for not taking responsibility. Both are tired and frustrated, both feel angry at having to sacrifice for their kids. She wanted the family, he wanted the career and successful life. His pressure on her to make the dollar forces her to work long hours, keep the kids being raised by school and daycare and kids class at that worthless church. Lisa is on the verge of a break…push her there. Emphasize the emptiness and anger. Highlight jealousy of her stay at home mom-friends- they have “the life” she wants. Have fun with this one…employ anger as much as you can.

Anne is a damaged girl who keeps trying to leave the jail cell that we have her in for freedom. We CANNOT allow her to see the open door; put up masks, fog and shrouds. That blasted Enemy tried to woo her with the gift of Freedom for the Chosen Ones, and she almost grasped it. Your forerunner, Garrus, nearly lost her and he was aptly punished. Do not follow in his footsteps- I will not be able to intervene if you fail. Anne is stressed out trying to finish college, pay for it and find the “love of her life”. She tries to choose the life of a Chosen One, but her-self focus clouds her vision and she truly believes she is who she is from her past and cannot rise above. We. Must. Bury. Her.

Sepitus, I am just lathering with excitement over their fall! I just know we’ve chosen the right apprentice to handle these three. You have proven yourself and this will earn you a promotion. Soon you’ll be handling Pastors, Evangelists, and Missionaries. They typically require a team-style attack, and there a few teams that will have openings soon. I’d love to see you bring down one of the enemies most influential mouthpieces. However, do not underestimate the power of our Enemy. He has some nonsensical plan for each one of His Chosen Ones. It’s a strong itching call He puts in their hearts, that tends to draw them towards the ridiculous, paradox of a life of suffering for our Enemy. He claims its to have a relationship with His beloved (insipid) creations, but we know otherwise. After all, our very own Prince saw through the Enemy’s plan and chose his own way and allowed us to bask in this nefarious lifestyle.

I’ll sign off for now, so looking forward to your updates! Let me know when you need direction!

With Affection,

Uncle Savant

Ephesians 6:12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Life Creative- a book review

“A Mother’s natural bent toward creativity doesn’t just wither and die with the birth of a child.This core component remains a part of her intricate design”

~ From Life Creative written by Wendy Speake and Kelli Stuart ~

When I saw the opportunity to be a part of this book launch for Life Creative by Wendy Speake and Kelli Stuart, I had no idea what a blessing to my creative soul it would be!

I had not understood nor claimed my way of doing things as my expression of creativity. It was just my experience and a way of life to me. This book helped me recognize the creativity the Lord has invested in my soul and that I ought to not only embrace what He gave me, but use it to do great things that point others to Him.

“God can use your creative bent to bend others to the cross”

“The Master created us as masterpieces, 

that we might create masterpieces 

to reflect the Master”

The authors speak about “the dark ages” of motherhood. Any mom can relate to this description. We have all looked at the mundane chores of changing innumerable diapers, potty training a stubborn child, sleepless nights rocking a sick toddler, and always trying to answer the never ending question of “what’s for dinner” and wondered if this is all there is. These ladies have taken that season in life and highlighted it this way:

“Worship isn’t something we do at church with 

heads bowed. Worship is a chin-up, face-forward 

thing to do.”

“From the moment you pull yourself out of bed until your head hits the pillow again, you’re met with countless opportunities to worship.”

Scripture tells us to do everything to the glory of God in I Corinthians 10:31. Motherhood is the sacred, holy calling of raising little warriors for Jesus. The way we chose to use our creativity that God placed within us expresses our gratitude to Him and teaches our children to glorify God with what you’ve got in your hand. We spend our time longing for someone else’s life, someone else’s calling or someone else’s experiences. Each one of us has been created as an Image Bearer of the greatest Creator there is! He loved us so much, He didn’t just create us individually, but God placed His personal mark on each of us in unique ways to mirror Himself. We have to stop discounting the reflection of God in our soul!

“You are also forever learning to be an artisan. As your art moves with you in and out of different seasons, it naturally changes. Together, you grow – the art and the artist- as you master your skill set, comprehending the message you want your art to convey. There is always so much work to be done.

Nearly 20 years ago, when I became a mother, creativity was still foreign to me. I had dreams. Dreams of decorating my home beautifully, being the best cook and baker for my family, writing my heart, singing out my heart, and leading others to Christ. Over the years, my personality has changed, my list of to-dos has changed, and my ability to create has changed. Through reading Life Creative, I have rediscovered the creativity God has placed in my heart and it has borne a new feeling of gratitude for who He made me to be.

“These mothering moments are consecrated acts of worship, presented to the Lord with the same heart that beats behind your Sunday dress as you belt out a solo or teach the story of David and Goliath to a roomful of 5-year-olds. By acknowledging the tasks that He places before you, and faithfully attending to each one, you live life worshipfully.”

“Cleaning dirty floors, painting empty canvases, folding loads of laundry, penning lyrics to the music that swirls in your head- worshiping, working, serving, laboring… All of this is sacred Renaissance worship.

I couldn’t say it better myself. All of these quotes from the chapters of this book bless my heart and continue to point my line of vision to Jesus, and isn’t that supposed to be the entire point of life here on earth? To glorify God with everything we do?

I am very grateful to have come in contact with these women, Wendy and Kelli, and witness their testimony of living Life Creative, pointing others to Jesus with the creative work of their souls. What an honor to get to promote something that bears the fruit of a worshipful expression of renaissance mothering.

You need to make it a priority to get this book. You can find it on Amazon.