Am I called into ministry….?
Years ago, I used to admire women's speakers. The motivational, gifted in exhortation-style speakers. I thought... "Wouldn’t it be awesome to be that one day!?" My next train of thought went on to something like..."what on earth would I talk about?" What have I been through in life or what has God taught me that makes me so passionate that I could travel the country speaking life into women's hearts?
Well, I will tell you, I certainly wasn't ready, both in the level of experience or in the areas of surrender and dependence on God. I was prideful with the little bit I knew, and mostly wanted to be on a stage proclaiming it.
The statement that God works in mysterious ways is truer than you know. I am 11+ years later in maturity and far more experienced in the grace, mercy and restorative gifts of God. God knew then, unfortunately, the many trips through the pit I'd need to make before I'd believe Him and truly follow Him only.
I found myself going through a trial/temptation that I was constantly getting pushed in an area of life where I was weak and didn't rely on God, but myself. My own will power, my own plan. What I didn't realize is that it was a sifting. A sifter, in baking terms, is something you use to sift the bad out of the good, and are left with chaff so to speak, the garbage. God was sifting me and I didn't recognize it or care. The problem was the thing God kept trying to sift wouldn't come out, I was hanging onto it. Don't you think for one minute God's done with one time of sifting. He will use whatever means necessary to make it sift out. This includes my 11+ years in bondage to sin. I just kept going round and round with God, it truly is amazing watching His never-ending patience display itself.
I am now on the other side of this sifting. Yes, it finally sifted! An extraordinarily painful, but necessary, experience. There was no way I would have ever been able to effectively, selflessly serve the Lord with Kingdom purposes whilst dragging my shackles and chains around with me. The noise alone of my bondage would’ve been too distracting!
So now what?
I find myself having a completely different point of view. Those questions I asked above of what I could possibly talk about to women…well God allowed me to go through the years and years of sifting to show me what I could speak about one day. He literally did take my mess and turn it into His message.
God very clearly has laid it on my heart that He did not free me from bondage to sin for me to be silent about it. Scripture says that if we do not praise Him, the rocks will cry out. This rescuing was so extravagant that the bricks on my house will surely cry out if I don’t obey Him and praise out loud for His restorative mercy and grace!
I have no desire to stand in front of people and explain my worst failures and describe my years of circling the drain of the pit. The problem is, the message is that you cannot go too far for God to chase you and rescue you, and for anyone to get that message…they have to hear my story of failure to hear God’s glorious message of redemption and restoration.
Satan would love to bury me in absolute terror, doubts and questioning. Also, he likes to tell me that I can just quietly thank God for my rescuing and go on about my life, living as a quiet, good Christian woman. He comes as straight lies and he masquerades as half-truths.
Truly I tell you, the second that message hits my thoughts, it’s like holy sirens from heaven are going off in my head, bright red flashing signs saying “Lies!! Lies from the pit of hell! Do not believe it!!”
So what’s a girl to do with a crystal clear calling from God to speak the truth of His love when there is no real path laid before me? The following scriptures are a balm to my anxious soul right now.
Psalm 46:10: Be Still and Know That I Am God
Isaiah 55:8: Your ways are not MY ways and your thoughts are not MY thoughts, declares the Lord
Lamentations 3:25-26: The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord
Proverbs 3:5-6: Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
I have concluded that one day God has a certain something for me to do. He has put that certain something, like a seed, growing in my heart that one day will come to fruition. That time has not yet come. So I will soak in His Word, sit at His feet and worship, sing at the top of my lungs of His great love, and trust His heart and His infinite wisdom. I will be making sure, to the best of my ability, I am in exactly the right spot and aiming at being the exact person He wants me to be so that I will one day be used to my fullest potential. He is Sovereign, He is God and I am not. That is all I need to know.